


Parvus, Parvus Pulsus

by WyrmLivvy



Series: Lex Luthor as a Trans Man AU [4]
Category: Smallville, Superman - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Body Dysphoria, Flashbacks, Future Fic, Gen, Hand Jobs, M/M, Oral Sex, Rape Fantasy, Trans Male Character, Unplanned Pregnancy, Virgin Lex, Wakes & Funerals, Wedding Night, Weddings, kind of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-19
Updated: 2015-08-28
Packaged: 2018-04-15 12:58:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4607637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WyrmLivvy/pseuds/WyrmLivvy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Birth control wasn't meant to work against aliens.</p><p>EDIT:I confused Lucas with Julian. Big difference.<br/>EDIT: <strong>The Archive Warning is for the rape fantasies in Chapters 2 and 3.</strong><br/>EDIT 9/4/2015: I edited Chapter 1 to be consistent with part 2 in this series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I was working on the SV/FF7 Fusion AU but it got to a critical point so I’m deciding to stop it and leave it off at fluff instead of angst since I have school soon. Also I wanted to hurry up and write more trans woman Tess but there’s still lots of Clark/Lex to go through so instead I wrote down my trans man Lex feelings. I didn't want to write angst so I wrote angst. I’m not projecting my anxieties at all, haha. I have lost control of my life. What is school when I can fic?
> 
> Content warnings: Tons of angst, dsyphoria, misgendering, transphobia, thoughts of death/funerals, a trans man getting pregnant and deciding whether or not to keep the pregnancy
> 
> Unbeta'd.

They were enemies now, more than a decade since they left Smallville. Metropolis was their battlefield.

Occasionally having sex didn't mean anything. But those times were with Clark Kent. Having sex with Superman was something else. But Lex had been more pissed off than he thought. 

Lex had hated Superman’s control and told him to come inside because he was an alien and surely nothing would happen because they were incompatible, right? Superman had been inside him and Lex had bit his shoulder, really hard. Lex was on birth control but obviously it hadn’t factored in alien sperm. 

During the sex, Lex had remembered years ago when Clark had removed his “virginity,” mostly Lex had used his hand, or equipment to enter Clark and Clark used his, which was built in, to enter Lex in the same place. But that time they tried something different.  
_  
Lex had said he could be thought of as a virgin._

_“What?” Clark was confused and Lex couldn't blame him._

_“It’d still my first time with an alien. But it’s simple Clark, by the number of cocks that have been in my ass-”_

_Crude yet true and straightforward, Clark’s startled reaction had been amusing._

_“-I’m no vestal virgin. But if you’re viewing virginity as the patriarchal-heterosexual-cisgender construct it is, I’m still one because a penis hasn't ever entered my vagina. Yet.” The clubs were all a blur. But Lex remembered telling the men to take off their clothes and Lex stripped too…only to put on their clothes. There was then disappointment, bewilderment or anger that Lex would remain (mostly) clothed. If they were a good sport or Lex was in the mood he’d give a blow job, or hand job. He doesn't ever let them use the front door._

_“Um.” Clark was speechless._

_Lex filled the silence. “I've used some toys, have let others use them. But not a flesh one. Well, some were really detailed and looked almost real but-”_

_“Okay. Okay. I get it. You’re not a virgin. But you are.”_

_“Yes Clark, now get rid of it before some witch uses me for her demon summoning ritual.”_

_“I can’t believe…”_

_“That I’m still a virgin? That you, an innocent farm boy would be taking some poor maiden’s virginity…didn’t think you’d be the type, Clark?”_

_“You’re not a maiden - a woman though.”_

_“Yeah, I’m not.”_

_“And I can believe you’re a virgin because you aren’t comfortable about that…area. I just can’t believe you’d let me be your first time because I’m a virgin too if we're going by that, um, construct…Oh my god I’m going to be so bad.”_

_“I trust you Clark, but when I tell you to not do something or do something you’ll listen, okay?”_

_Clark nodded._

_“And make sure it’s within your comfort zone too.”_

_“Alright.”_

_Clark had taken forever to go in._

_“Clark, I’m going to just press myself up the rest of the way alright?” Lex had said._

_“Are you sure?”_

_“I’m sure.”_

_“Okay.”_

_Lex did. And it had freaking hurt._

_Clark tensed._

_“Move.” Lex commanded._

_Clark does, very slowly. Lex does adjust._

_Clark had been very obedient._

_Lex had focused on the sensation of Clark’s fingers on his scalp. Clark’s cock had felt pretty good too if Lex ignored what it was in._  
  
Lex had done that too during the sex with Superman that had gotten him pregnant. Maybe another meteor mutation, besides making Lex bald and making it impossible for him to get sick, it also made it possible for him to be knocked up by an alien. Back then that first time Clark hadn't properly taken his "virginity" after all and that was fixed only when they had fucked without protection while Clark was temporarily human. The birth control had worked then. But not for having unprotected sex with an alien.

Lex recalled when he had first confronted Clark on his alien heritage.  
_  
“Clark, I understand you wanting to be something else. But I don’t think there are surgeries that can change an alien into a human. And you wouldn't be comfortable on an operating table anyway, would you?”_

 _“Haha.” Clark’s uneasy laugh, still pretending. “Lex I don’t know what you’re say-”_  
  
Except for experiencing the trauma of having the sky fall on his head, Lex was glad the meteor shower made him bald. It helped him pass. He liked it. But Lionel had kept insisting Lex wear a wig when in public. Lex had stopped wearing the wig. Lionel thought Lex would grow out of it. He doesn’t really care what his daughter does when he’s focused on his heir, Julian. But Lex was determined to take over the company, or start his own. Lionel told Lex to stay out of the papers. 

But…  
  
**Local Boy Pulls Out Luthor Heiress From River**  
  
That had been the headline. Lionel had exiled Lex from Metropolis, the place of power, and sent him to Smallville, because Lex had made an unfortunate move to unseat Julian.  
_  
“Miss? Are you alright?” Clark had said._

_Miss…_

_“It’s not Miss.” Grateful feelings had turned into anger at his savior. “Mister. It’s Lex, Lex Luthor.”_

_“Okay, Mr. Luthor.” Clark didn’t question anything. Yet._

_“Don’t call me that. That’s my father. Just call me Lex, short for Alexander.”_

_“Okay, Lex.”_

_Jonathan, Clark’s father had shown up. If Lex were seen as a guy he’d have an earful. Lex couldn’t fucking control his voice because his throat had recently been filled with river water. Jonathan’s apologizing because Clark ruined Lex’s clothes and binder. Lex introduced himself as Lex Luthor but later Jonathan had called him Liz. Poor, reckless bald girl._

_Of course Lex’s binder had been torn off for proper CPR. It probably had helped him drown faster but the wet boy - Clark, who had saved him must have found him quickly._

_What must it have looked like, Lex prone on the riverbank, some weirdo touching his chest._

_He had been wet, his shirt, his…the outline of his breasts had probably showed through because Clark had very determinedly not looked at Lex, or just his head, until the blankets showed up._

_The memory of throwing up the water…_  
  
Lex was on a helicopter when he threw up over its side. Morning sickness. Cravings. The signs were there. That was when he realized. 

Then the last person he wanted to see showed up. 

Lex couldn’t even do anything or think up of some lie before a Brainiac hijacked rocket crashed into his copter. 

Lex woke up to Clark telling him that he had sensed two heartbeats. Clark was still dressed as Superman.

“It’s mine.” Clark was so certain Lex almost wanted to play him.

But as if Lex would possibly be impregnated by someone else when he disliked vaginal intercourse and wouldn’t be so vulnerable around another. Why had he done that? Lex hadn’t been drunk, or on anything, except birth control (which hadn’t worked). It had been adrenaline? Clark had been uncertain but Lex had insisted and they had done it, on, out of all things, a shiny operating table. He had been angered because Superman had blown up a lab that had almost finished serving its purpose. Perhaps it could be thought of as “compensating” that Lex had been building a death ray. Lex frequently wielded large and rather phallic guns, often at Superman. 

“Yes, it is.” Lex said, an unneeded confirmation. 

Now Clark was saying to have the child or not was up to Lex but something was also there in his voice, a hope, because Kal-El wouldn’t have to be the last any longer. Lex could feel his anger rise as he traced the crest on Superman’s chest. Clark had saved him without knowing about the child. Lex thought about when Clark had first saved him, again. 

When Lex had hit Clark, Lex’s first thought was that he couldn’t die. Not here not now. He hadn’t even cared about the stranger, his unfortunate victim. How quickly that changed. 

Lex had thought, I’m going to be buried in a dress. Lionel would put on the grave, here lies Alexandria Eliza Luthor, beloved daughter. Ha…

These days Lex actually had plans Mercy and Hope were suppose to follow when the inevitable happened but Lionel would probably have his lawyers ready, as family he’d have more right. Lex already had everything legally changed the moment he was independent and running LexCorp. He’s had top surgery. But knowing Lionel he’d find a way for everyone to remember Lex as a woman. Lex was determined to outlive Lionel. 

“Clark, you need to marry me.” Lex said as an answer. 

“I-I-what?” Clark was so very stunned. 

“You should do the right thing.” Lex continued. “Does your father still have his shotgun?”

“You want to marry me?” Clark was still having trouble grasping things.

“Yes. But do you want to marry me?”

“Yes. Of course!” 

—

Lex had all his scotch given away. Let the staff cart off with it. They could have the drinks, make some babies too. Ugh. 

All the kryptonite is gone, every last piece of it before Lex returned to his penthouse. 

—

It’s their wedding. Lex barely paid attention. Mercy and Hope had planned it all. 

Lex recalled an old memory. Lionel was going to show up and Lex didn’t have his wig or dress. He was with Clark, in a suit, his head bare. Lex knew with the red wig on he resembled his mother.  
_  
Lex dropped the phone, informed Clark of the issue._

 _Clark left and returned shortly with the wig and clothes and gave them to Lex. Lex knew where he had left them. There was no way a regular person could get to them so fast, or even find them, but Lex doesn’t comment. He gratefully accepted the offered items and began to strip immediately, with Clark still in the room. He didn’t have time. Clark seemed to be considering something but the next layer fell away and he fled._  
  
Lex returned to the present and absentmindedly fixed Clark’s tie. His own was perfect. Clark thanked him.

Another memory.  
_  
“Who taught you how to tie a bowtie?” Clark had asked after Lex had fixed his tie for the first time._

 _“I taught myself.” Lex had answered._  
  
In the present, Lex said his vows when prompted. 

It’s their wedding and Lex wanted to get really drunk but he couldn’t because of his…condition.

He recalled other times he was drunk.  
_  
“I had ballet, piano lessons.” Lex said. “Want to see?”_

_Lex tried to stand on the very tip of toes but he’s really drunk and staggered, fell over. Clark caught him, of course._

_“I wished I had been raised with different hobbies!”_

_“Like what?” Clark said good-naturedly, humoring him while he was the only thing keeping Lex upright._

_“I don’t know, fencing? Instead of ballet…” Lex ambled away from Clark despite his protests._

_Lex changed his gait, to a proper demure and elegant lady’s walk._

_“Lex, you need to stop dri-”_

_“Girls shouldn’t drink so much?” Lex asked, returning to Clark._

_“You shouldn’t drink so much.”_

_“Clark, admit you factored in my body.”_

_“Y-you…yes. You don't weight that much. The alcohol settles right in your blood, and-”_

_Lex kissed Clark so he would shut the hell up._

_“Tell me I’m handsome, Clark.” Lex said when he broke the kiss._

_“You’re handsome, Lex.” Clark stammered._  
  
Now, when the priest called for the groom to kiss the groom Lex really relished it. Clark must not have expected such a strong response. He returned it as well and that was when Lex broke away, leaving him disappointed. 

After the wedding Lex gave Clark the funeral plans. Clark was Lex’s husband now. He’d have the right to decide how Lex would be buried. 

“You can’t die before me, Clark. Promise me that.”

“That, that- I won’t? I won’t.” Clark said, in the very confused voice of someone Lex has tried to kill multiple times.

“Good. I can only trust you to bury me the way I want to be buried.”

“Funeral planning rights? That’s why you agreed to marry me?” Clark asked when it registered. 

“Did you expected a better reason? You might really have to be responsible for handling my funeral in case I don’t survive giving birth to your child.” Lex wasn’t ready to think of the child as his too. “There’s many unknowns and risks involved in me carrying an alien to term.” 

Clark’s expression. “Lex - you, I can’t. I have to take you to the Fortress-”

“So your father can kill his grandchild?” 

“…So I can keep your health monitored, but if you want to terminate the pregnancy…I can’t make a choice that’s yours.” 

Clark was caught again. Uncertain. Lex always had a way of pushing Clark, testing the edges of his morality. 

"You could threaten me into keeping it. Hold my company and everything I value hostage." 

Clark was horrified. "I wouldn't do anything to make you-" 

“But I have something of value too, since I’m keeping it.” Lex interrupted. “I already threw out all my kryptonite. But that also means I can't stop you, can I?”

Clark looked ready to cry but Lex ignored him and entered the car chauffeured by Mercy and Hope. He closed his eyes and feigned sleep. Clark followed but didn't disturb him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clark and Lex's wedding night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could tag this Mpreg but I don’t think that’s what people are looking for when they search for it. Writing this thing was like having an argument with myself? Idk. There’s so much conversation and paths that could go in so many directions. So here’s wedding night chapters made up of like 90% talking and 10% sex. 
> 
> Chapter warnings: angst, anxiety and fear over pregnancy, body dysphoria, rape fantasies

It’s dark when Lex woke up. He’s in his penthouse bedroom. His feigned sleep had somehow turned into real sleep. He’s been feeling fatigued recently. He knew the reason why. There were going to be many physical changes. 

Lex doesn’t have to wonder who had deposited him onto the bed or changed him into the soft pajamas he had on. 

The person, or rather alien, was watching Lex. Lex couldn’t see in the dark but he knew. Lex doesn’t know how long he had been looking. 

It’s their wedding night. 

Lex reached blindly for a switch, one to open the lights but the other is faster. He always was. 

Dim lights filled the room. Lex could feel the bed dip as a new weight settled onto it. 

Now that Lex could see, he knew it was Clark in his rumpled wedding attire. Obviously he had switched into the Superman costume at one point and had went back into his tuxedo later. The bed is huge but Clark took up the space on it as far from Lex as possible. 

Lex’s thoughts are derisive. Sure, now Clark didn’t want to be near him, to touch him. It was rather too late for that. 

“Do you want to know how I knew?” Lex said suddenly. He doesn’t have to add “I was pregnant”. Lex doesn’t really want to think about it. 

Clark didn’t expect that. “Yes.” He said, and Lex could hear the honesty in his voice. It’s a quality Lex had sought after, those years in Smallville. 

“I wouldn’t even need your help removing it. Kryptonite could probably do it.” Lex said, because he did want Clark to suffer too, so he wouldn’t have to alone - falling asleep when he didn’t mean to because fatigue was going to be expected throughout. 

Clark doesn’t say anything but Lex could see his face in the lit room. Clark was a bad liar because things showed on his face. 

“I stayed away from it deliberately…after what we did, because I thought there was a chance. And here we are.” Lex spread out his hands, gesturing at the bedroom. Lex had worn lead-lined suits too. “Doing things in the wrong order.” His smile fell flat. “I missed my period. Do you remember when…”  
_  
“Lex, are you hurt?” Clark asked. His hands are on Lex’s shoulders, his eyes searching, roaming, trying to look and check -_

_“Remember what I said about not x-raying me unless my life was certainty in danger or if I ask you to?” Lex said._

_Clark nodded._

_“I don’t recall sustaining any injuries.” Lex said._

_“Do you feel any pain? Because you’re bleeding somewhere.”_

_Lex goes stiff. Clark could feel it because he was holding Lex. Clark’s eyes go wide, worried._

_“Lex?”_

_“Yes. And you can’t fix it.” Lex tried to calm down. Clark couldn’t help being an alien like Lex couldn’t help bleeding monthly._

_“Why not?” Clark asked, because he was a fool and a hero who couldn’t believe there was something he couldn’t fix or someone he couldn't save._

_“It’s not something you can stop, though some medications can.”_

_“Medications?”_

_“There’s no need. It’ll be gone in a few days and there's no other solution unless you want to get me pregnant, or kill me.”_

“I was kidding, you know.” Lex said. It had been humiliating and Lex had been incredibly self-conscious. Lex had briefly entertained the thought of dissecting Clark. What exactly made it possible for him to smell things like that? 

“I didn’t mean to.” Clark said, repeating the same lines he had said then too. “I don’t just randomly smell people, I was focused on you so I-” 

“You still check from time to time so you’ll know when to avoid me, right?”

“No! I don’t smell you like that - you told me not to and I’ve never since!”

“A pity. Think of all the trouble it could save you, not having to cross Lex Luthor on a bad day.”

“That would be violating your privacy!”

“Do you remember what happened later?” Lex asked, because Clark was getting increasingly hysterical.

Lex remembered.

_“So, your nose is sensitive, like Hannibal Lector’s?” Lex asked._

_"I'm not a cannibal serial killer." Clark said, aghast._

_"It would be worrying if you were." Lex said. "Though you wouldn't be a cannibal per se. You aren't human."_

_The atmosphere between them immediately became tense. It doesn't settle until later, when they had make-up sex._

_Clark was positioned by Lex's lower body, ready to give his boyfriend oral for the first time. He listened to what Lex told him to do, or find, and was interested in making Lex come, but it took long because of the undercurrent of self-hatred Lex carried and Clark's inexperience. When Lex does come, he gripped Clark’s head, imagined taking it his apart and figuring out how his power of smell worked._

_Clark’s face comes away sticky and glistening. There’s blood and come on his lips, chin. He looked good like that and his tongue darts out, catching what covered his face. Lex doesn’t care as much anymore that Clark smelled him because of what Lex had just let Clark do to him. What else was there to fear?_

_Lex knows Clark’s greedy for it. Lex figured Clark liked his blood, his come, his tears, his sweat because Clark licked it up during sex with Lex if he could, or after. As if he could become human through imbibing Lex. Lex thought, nice try but that won’t make you human. Ever._

_Lex laughed. Clark was a creature of the sun. “I’ve made you a vampire.”_

“Yes.” Clark said in the present, like an echo of the “yes” he said in the past. Lex almost forgot what they were talking about. 

“Are we going to have sex or what since it’s our wedding night.” Lex said. 

“But you’re pregnant.” Clark said, saying the dreaded word Lex hadn’t wanted to hear. 

“I’m not going without sex for nine months, Clark.” Lex growled. “Or however long this alien pregnancy is suppose to be.” He got up, surprising Clark. Lex walked over and plopped himself down, facing Clark, who’s legs were hanging off the bed. Lex had his hands around Clark’s shirt collar. 

He looked paralyzed. He could recognize Lex's fury and frustration. 

“I could get Green K again, easily.” Lex said. “But you’d find a way, you’d find me. You know now, what I can be used for. There’s no where on this planet or the next that I can run to. You’d be able to, you could hold me down - with your speed and strength, slow or as fast as you want. You’d have to be somewhat careful though, not to break me because I’m still important and functional.”

Clark fell out of his stupor once he comprehended what Lex was describing. His green eyes are wide, his face pale. 

“I wouldn’t do that to you.” His voice was unsteady. He didn’t dare say the word. 

“Not even with Red K? There’s no deep, dark desires?” Lex asked. “You’ll always have me right? If there was child who was half you and half me.” Lex had been mostly trying to ignore what was growing inside him but now he dragged Clark’s hand, which offered no resistance, toward his stomach. Lex left Clark’s hand there. He doesn’t know what Clark’s thinking so Lex continued to speak. “You've saved my life countless times. My body’s practically yours. You could use it to have as many Kryptonians as you want, provided that I’m still fertile.”

“Your body and your life belongs to yourself.” Clark said, ignoring Lex’s questions. 

“And its life?” 

“It’s your body.” Clark repeated. 

Lex scooted backward so Clark no longer touched his stomach. “You haven't thought of anything, not even once. You never have fantasies where -”

“In them I’m the one who’s at your mercy. There’s Blue K, green too.” 

“I have Blue K somewhere. We need to have a full out fist fight, one on one. Let’s see how you can do without your powers.” 

“Lex, I’m not going to punch you.” 

“Because you won’t hit a woman?”

“No, it’s because you’re my husband and carrying our child.” Clark sighed. “Why couldn’t you have asked before this happened. I would have granted your request.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Lex…please think about past times. I have hit you before, plenty of times.”

Yes. Lex remembered those times. He had deserved each one.  
__  
_It had taken a lot to get Superman to punch him the first time but it had been totally worth it. Lex didn’t get what was up. Clark had hit him before in Smallville, why not in Metropolis?_

_Superman hit all his other enemies. Lex didn't like being left out._

_“Clark, if I had been born assigned male and did this, would you have punched me by now?” Lex asked, gesturing at the destruction around them._

_“Yes.” Clark clenched his fists at his sides._

_“Okay, then - "_

_The blow was so swift Lex didn't even have time to tense._

_He landed into a wall but well, he’d heal. Meteor mutation._

_Superman’s allies had been upset._

_Lex had been in the early years of building LexCorp and really being out of the closet. Clark’s one of the few people in the media who didn’t misgender him. Lex still sent his lawyers after him though, for his criticisms of Lex's company._

_“You punched Liz Luthor!” An outraged chorus of voices._

_“No, actually I punched Lex Luthor. Did you see what he did?” Superman gestured at the same destruction Lex had moments earlier._

_That night Lex had gone home happy, resolving to incense Superman more. Lex didn’t masturbate a certain part often but that had been a good day so he had. To images of red and blue._  
  
“Why didn’t you punch me sooner?”

“Lex, I didn’t punch you because I was trying to restore our friendship. I punched you because I thought if I didn’t you’d really push my buttons to make me do it, or get angry for the reason you just said.” Because you won’t hit a woman. Clark paused. “If I did or didn’t it would have made no difference?”

Lex nodded. “Can you accept that no matter what I am born as, I would want the world?”

“Lex…I know you understand what “sharing” means.”

“Clark, why did you save me from Belle Reve?” Lex said, deflecting with a painful topic. 

“…You would have never forgiven me. Ever. If I had left you there.” 

“You’re right. But to think - I could be cured of my delusions by now.” 

“You have no delusions!” 

“Except for the one where I want to rule the world. Brain surgery was the right surgery to have, not-”

“Please stop. That place is not a thing to joke about...”

“Have you considered the institution of marriage? And what powers you have over me? Not superpowers.”

“I could visit you in the hospital?”

“That doesn’t matter you visit me anyway, even when I ban you. I mean besides being able to plan my funeral. You have control over medical decisions. If you die, I can decide what to do with your dead body just like you can handle mine.” 

“Can we not talk about death?” Clark said, finally putting in some effort into not being steered around by Lex. 

“Okay, let’s talk about sex, which can lead to life.” Lex said, quickly rattling off the bare bones of a fantasy he’s had involving Clark. 

Clark’s uncomfortable again. 

“It’s the feelings of fear and helplessness, at your hand. You understand don't you, you’ve thought of the same at mine. I’ve carried stuff that can kill you.” Lex said. 

“It’s wrong. You shouldn’t-”

“Don’t tell me what to do or not do.” Lex said. “I’ve fantasized about you raping me." Lex said it. "You’ve thought of the like except I’m the rapist. Do I ever have a dick?” A real one. 

“You use your hands, and toys.” But Clark’s poker face is terrible. The answer is Clark has thought of it at least once.

“Some of yours can’t even be acted out. Unlike mine.” Lex looked at Clark expectantly. 

Clark fell off the bed in his haste to back away. 

“There’s difference between riding a rollercoaster, falling down as the track plummets, and actually falling down to one’s death. I just want the rush. I’m attracted to dangerous situations. Have you noticed that?”

Clark’s on the ground but Lex knew he was still listening. 

“You can grab a random person off the street, right now. Chances are at least one has a fantasy or two, not as detailed, they don’t have frames of reference - about being abducted by Superman, by an alien. Having a “close encounter”. Some aren’t consensual.”

“The times I’ve flown and carried you to safety did you sometimes think of - ”

“Yes. There’s something about being overwhelmed by a being infinitely more powerful than you.” Lex said, basically admitting he was aware of what a gulf there was between then in terms of power. Oh, Lex could only attempt to fill it, build contingency plans. “And no one can beat me when having an alien’s spawn is the closest encounter.”

Clark’s gone from the floor. He had fled. 

Lex had finally succeeded in scaring Clark away so he could spend the night alone. Honestly, if Clark wasn’t going to give him sex then what was the point? They were married and it was the wedding night.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wedding night continued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings: pregnancy anxiety, rape fantasies, that are acted out, body dsyphoria, angst

Lex got up and wandered to the kitchen for food. He found a warm, balanced meal, left by his bodyguards no doubt. He’s ravenous. It must be the - Lex stopped thinking and returned to the room. Whatever, he’d eat in the bed if he wanted to. 

Lex was about done eating when Clark returned. Or rather Superman because he was dressed as such. 

Lex was just reclined, resting and Superman walked up to him. 

He goes and lies on top of Lex. He doesn’t do anything more, yet. The weight, the way Superman is settling his body - it touches as much of Lex as possible. Lex has put on plenty of muscle, since Smallville. He isn't scrawny. But Superman’s build was broader. 

Lex tested things. He pushed and there’s no give at all. Superman didn’t budge. They’re both fully clothed. He’s following a script Lex had given him. There’s the rush of hatred, fear and lust. 

Lex remembered wishing for Clark’s physique, for Clark’s alien body. How to have it? Sleeping with had been the next best thing. Lex was disappointed the first time Clark took off his pants (not because of size) because what had he been expecting? Something so wildly different? A tentacle maybe. Some sign that Clark wasn’t human. Clark had a perfect inhuman body and Lex had worked hard and struggled to gain the mass he had.

Superman’s mouth was at Lex’s throat. Lex wanted Superman’s throat. To rip out the Adam’s apple there. 

Lex’s hard earned physique. It was sure to be impacted by his…condition. He’d go soft, round. He couldn’t continue lifting heavy weights because of it. Clark’s stupid alien body got him pregnant.

Lex doesn’t know when he had started crying. 

Superman kissed Lex’s cheeks, drank up his tears. 

“Clark, stop.” Lex whispered. He pushed at the crest on Superman’s chest. No clothes had even come off yet. 

Superman disappeared in a rush of speed. Clark is back in his place. 

Lex batted away Clark’s hands that tried to reach for him. Clark's trying to apologize, the reasons he thinks, all wrong. Clark backed off. 

“There’s things I can do. People I can hurt.” Lex said after failing to discreetly wipe his eyes with his pajama sleeve. “Things I could deserve punishment for, but won’t get if I plead its unborn innocence.” He said this, cold and intent.

Clark finally snapped. “I don’t know what I can do that will please you.”

“There’s no pleasing me. No saving me.” 

“I’m trying to understand.” Clark asked. He’s really close to Lex; closed the distance between them. Physical distance wouldn’t make up for mental distance though. “I’d give up all my powers for words that would reach your heart!”

“I don’t have one.”

“Lex, I’m going to be clear with you, please hear me out.”

Lex waited. 

“I need you to understand that I care for you as a person, not an _object_! Please, please… you’re not a distressed damsel, or some _proving ground_ for my own worth. I don’t save you so I can prove my _heroism_ or _nobility_. Or to feed my ego. Most of the time it’s me stopping you - saving other people from _you_!” Clark’s angry. “and I’m not your object either. An alien you can save the world from. I hate it when I’m put on a pedestal by other people.” He’s crying too, by the end of his little speech. 

Lex doesn’t know what to address first. “You save Lois Lane often. You think nothing is owed? The hero saves the distressed damsel - the prince rescues princess. No reward, no happily every after, no marriage and babies?”

“No!”

“Right. Restoring Krypton is an honor and it falls to me.” Lex said sarcastically. 

“That’s not a good reason to have a child. I want them to be raised with love, like I was, not for some numerical reason.”

“It could be both.”

“I didn’t want you to hate me. I don't want you to just give birth, hand them over and never see me again. I want you in my life and our child’s. If that’s what you want.”

“Why haven't you already propagated your species? Have you even tried?” Lex said, trying to ignore Clark’s words and the warm and cold feelings it gave him. If Lex didn’t want then his feelings were different from Clark’s. 

“I’d like get to know someone first before-”

“You have _known_ me.” Lex leered.

Clark didn’t miss it. He’s embarrassed but Clark has known Lex. Many times. All over the Smallville mansion, Clark’s barn loft, a few cars. Many different surfaces. The knowing went both ways. 

“Yeah. I have.”

“How do you feel about her?” 

“Who?" Clark said. He had a distant look, maybe he had been browsing his knowledge.

“Lois Lane.”

“Oh.” Clark said. It doesn't take him long to answer. “God, she's so much. Brilliant and brave. When she’s angry, she isn’t shy letting you know. She yells and she swears like a sailor - and is not at all a pushover...”

“Are you in love with her?” 

“I had a…small crush. It happens, from working together with someone, being around them and admiring them.”

“Huh, imagine what could have worked out if I hadn’t seduced you, deciding to keep the resulting…thing and even guilt you into a marriage.” 

“Lex, it didn’t happen like that.”

“I’m using you. You’re stuck with me until I die. Which is the point - you better have me buried properly. If you die first I’m going to have you dissected.”

"You're not using me."

“You say people put you on a pedestal. You give them reason to.” Lex said. “You say you don’t objectify the people you save. Not even abstractly? Save a bus load of children, plus 500 Kal-El gets to stay on Earth points. And say, every minute that passes, minus 100 points. You’d really have to work then. How much points do you have right now? Will it last you the night?”

“I…don’t do that.”

“Preventive measures should earn points too. You get 150 points for every minute you spend distracting me from my nefarious plots.” Lex gestured vaguely at his stomach. “This is one hell of a distraction.” 

“Lex, your body is your own.” Clark’s eyes were drawn to where Lex was gesturing but he quickly looked away. “I don’t have a detailed point system. But maybe in my mind when I save people…I am trying to prove I should stay.” Clark admitted. 

“Fine. You don’t have to prove shit. And you don’t owe shit.” Lex said. “If you want to feel welcomed...once I own the world I’ll officially allow Kal-El to stay.”

Clark’s tears haven't dried but he’s cracking a smile. 

“You say my body is my own. Okay, it is. Your body is your own too and you decide what to do with it. You don’t have to save people with it because of a pressure, even if unintentional, sent by them.” Lex said. 

Clark's surprised, like he's never thought about his own agency before. 

“Clark, make me another promise.” 

“Another promise?” 

“If it came one day that I hated you, that the world hated you. Promise me that you’ll love yourself.”

“I’ll love myself?”

“Say it as a statement, not a question.” Lex sighed. “It took me a while to believe I belonged in this world.” 

“Uh, it’s different but I hope you won’t get mad if I said I had to struggle to believe that too...”

“Two freaks, like peas in a pod.”

“Lex…”

“The world hates me and people like me…so I had to love myself. It took time but once I realized that, I also realized I should have the world too.”

“Lex, you -”

“Should give up my plans so I can settle down with you? Give birth, raise a child. Fulfill my destiny as a woman should?” 

“You’re not the only person who loves you, I love you. I want us both to be fathers.”

Lex gave Clark a look that meant “take that back, take those three words back,” but Clark didn’t. 

“I don’t know what I can do to make things right but I don’t want you to be trapped. I-”

“You clipped my wings.”

“I want you to do whatever you want…but don’t try to hurt or subjugate people.” 

“That’s a great deal of my plans.” Lex said. “I’m ready for the possibility that one day the world would hate me, you would hate me. But I’d still love myself. It took me too long to reach that and I’ve got to make up for the lost time. Lex Luthor, egomaniac. Right?”

Clark shook his head. “I promise I will love myself. And it won’t reach that point.” Clark said, not specifying the “that point”. Maybe it didn’t matter. 

“I love you too.” Lex said. “Now take off your pants.”

Clark was stunned but he does, incredibly clumsy as the move was. 

“What do you want to do?” Lex asked. 

“I want to be immobile and helpless at your hand. But you already got rid of the kryptonite.”

Lex didn’t know what any kind of kryptonite will do to the…baby. There. Lex actually managed to think that. Lex told Clark about a hidden space in the apartment where there’s a device capable of emitting red sun radiation. If Clark would go find it he’d be powerless temporarily. Lex told him how it worked.

Clark disappeared. Lex’s patience dwindled. Eventually Clark was back, said he had a bit of trouble but of course because Lex had the space lead lined. 

They talk. It ended with Clark tied to the bed and Lex with black leather gloves on. 

“You’ll never get away with this, Luthor.” Superman said, because Clark was in the uniform now. 

Lex was in his own suit too. He slapped him. Hard. “No more talking or I’ll reduce the timer. Except my name, since you’re so fond of it.”

Lex knew how to slip his hands into Superman’s outfit. He's already half-hard. Lex gave him a good stroke. 

“Um, your grip is really firm, like your handshakes.” Clark said, expressing his random thought and completely falling out of character. 

Sigh. 

Lex doesn’t want Clark to be capable of coherent thought. “Maybe that’s because I learned to give firm handshakes from giving hand jobs.” Lex admitted.

“What?”

“How’d you learn to give a firm handshake, Clark?”

“It’s more that I had to try not to crush other people’s hands but my dad - oh.”

“Yes, why would my father teach me how to give a firm handshake?” 

“But when you give handshakes does that mean you think about - ”

“Yours. Because I’ve seen it the most. It’s familiar and I actually remember it.” 

“Oh my god.” Clark's self-conscious laugh. “You - ” 

“No more talking.” Lex slapped Superman again, except this time there was precome on the glove and Lex left it smeared on his cheek. Lex returned his hand to where it was. He really does go for it, keeping his grip steady. He knew where to rub, how much pressure to use. 

Superman’s silent, except for the moans he tried to bite back. 

“And now here’s a new memory.” Lex said as Superman came. “I hope you think about that whenever you show up as the press. When you shake my hand.” In addition to the things Clark probably already thought about when he's near Lex's hands. 

Superman's gasping and he’s sensitive but Lex doesn’t let up. Lex still rubbed. Superman’s squirming but he can’t get away. 

Lex examined the come contrasted on his dark gloves. “What I could have been doing that time was getting samples for creating a super soldier army, you know.” Lex said. “With your sperm.” 

“I wondered what your game was, but I did it anyway.” Superman said. “When you said, you told me to - I didn’t think you’d actually risk…I thought Lex surely has a backup plan or a main plan. I have thought of you, pregnant by me before...I took my chance.” He said. A confession.

“Do I look like a priest to you? But go on, tell me your other sins.”

“I’m a liar. I’ve hurt you. I hold you to different standards. I’m afraid of what I can do. I had thought I was losing my mind when you squeezed me with your… I hadn’t felt that in a long while. I wanted to fill you.”

Lex doesn’t answer, he’s busy collecting the samples - with his mouth. He swallowed obscenely. Lex spoke when he was done. “Everything I eat…the nutrition goes to the baby.” He actually said the word “baby” out loud. 

Superman’s looking at him. It registered. “You’re evil.” He said. There’s no bite but he really was a bit disturbed. 

“It’s not like millions of people haven’t done this before already.” Lex said. Swallowing come while pregnant. 

Lex began to untie Clark. 

“Lex…you love yourself. But will that change if you go through with the pregnancy?” Clark asked. 

Lex could be honest. Or he could lie. 

“I don’t know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I am being influenced by Man of Steel (2013) in this fic since I watched it. Because yeah I took Martha’s ‘you don’t owe the world shit, Clark’ stuff from the Batman v Superman trailer. And ‘love yourself’ stuff that another Dōngfāng I love says in 花千骨 though I’m 500% done with that show. 
> 
> Smallville background is always critical. It’s like SV!Clark hit the fucking jackpot friends-wise (trade-off is he has to deal with Lex earlier), while MoS!Clark has like 0 friends, except for Lois, that he met only when he was 33. Not to mention he’s going to get fucked up by Bruce and Lex in BvS. Basically I don’t think MoS Clark loves himself and everyone wants his blood.

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea where I'm going with this fic. It's unplanned, like Conner. Comments would be loved.


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